Undecided

Three (3) f*ck@n' years since I graduated, it's been a while but I still don't know where I'm heading, I still don't know what I want, what is my passion. Funny when kids are asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", they easily answer "I want to be a doctor", but it changes each day from doctor to teacher, to firefighter, etc. At least, even one day they can answer straight and sure what they want to be. I wonder if you were asked the same question today, what would be your answer?

I was asked the same question by someone "Marse, what do you want to be? What do you want?", and I was speechless, nothing came out of my mouth just this: "I don't know." Honestly, it was depressing. There are too much in my mind I can't handle to extract what is I really want. So I have to start clearing my mind, begin from scratch, or sort those things in my mind into groups: (1) Impossible; (2) Too late; (3) Worth a try; and (4) Possible.

"Impossible" are the things that no chance at all.

"Too late" are the things that you can't do or have anymore at this stage of life. Things you have to let go and stop hoping for.

"Worth a try" are the things you once or twice failed but your hope still remains on the deepest part of you and long forgotten.

"Possible" are the new opportunities, new things you might want to try.

I guess, I'm still confused. I haven't decided what I want. I'm scared that it might all fall under "Too late." I won't deny that I'm scared if I start stepping out I won't be able to find something and there will be nothing to look back anymore. But then, I don't want to come to the point that I have to stay because there are no choices already. Stuck. Hopeless. Bored. Even poor.

One needs courage. I'm trying to work on it, still working on it. How about you?

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